Hamaayan / The Torah Spring Edited by Shlomo Katz Chayei Sarah: Chessed, Chevron and Shidduchim Volume 19, No. 5 22 Marcheshvan 5765 November 6, 2004 Sponsored by Yitzchok and Barbie Lehman Siegel on the yahrzeit of his father Yaakov ben Tzvi Halevi a"h (Jacob Siegel of Baltimore) (23 Cheshvan) David and Sarah Maslow and family in memory of his father Archie Maslow a"h (18 Cheshvan) and her father Samuel Holstein a"h (25 Cheshvan) Today's Learning: Peah 1:4-5 O.C. 301:37-39 Daf Yomi (Bavli): Kreitot 21 Daf Yomi (Yerushalmi): Kiddushin 13 The overwhelming majority of our parashah is devoted to the servant Eliezer's search for a worthy wife for Yitzchak. One very unusual aspect of the story is the number of times that Eliezer bows to Hashem in gratitude or otherwise acknowledges G-d's blessing of his venture. For example: "So the man bowed low and prostrated himself to Hashem. He said, `Blessed is Hashem, G-d of my master Abraham, Who has not withheld His kindness'" (24:26-27); "Then I bowed and prostrated myself to Hashem" (24:48); "It was, when Avraham's servant heard their words, he prostrated himself to the ground to Hashem" (24:52); and "He said to them, `Do not delay me now that Hashem had made my journey successful'" (24:56). Nowhere else in the Torah do we read that someone was so grateful to Hashem. Why? R' Ben-Zion Rabinowitz shlita (the Biala Rebbe) writes: There is no way to understand this phenomenon other than to conclude that, when it comes to shidduchim / finding one's match, one must recognize G-d's constant involvement and thank Him anew at each successful step. Thus Eliezer thanked Hashem when he met Rivka, when his meeting with her family went well, etc. [We are taught that Hashem created equally powerful forces of good and evil in the world, for, without that equilibrium, free will would be impossible.] It follows that, particularly because shidduchim are a crucial link in creating future generations of servants of Hashem, G-d "had" to create many "forces" that attempt to stop matches from being concluded successfully. This fact requires, in turn, that one look to Hashem at every juncture for help in finding one's mate. (Mevaser Tov: B'zchut Nashim Tzidkaniyot p. 42) ******** This week's parashah is devoted to two events: Avraham's purchase of the Me'arat Hamachpeilah as a burial place for his wife Sarah, and Eliezer's search for a wife for Yitzchak. At the end of the parashah, Avraham, too, is buried in the Me'arat Hamachpeilah. Rashi writes that the name "Machpeilah," meaning "doubled," alludes to the fact that this was a cave within a cave. Alternatively, the name alludes to the "pairs" that are buried there: Adam and Chava, Avraham and Sarah, Yitzchak and Rivka, and Yaakov and Leah. However, notes R' Moshe Wolfson shlita, the Zohar finds another meaning in the word. Specifically, Chevron, where the Me'arat Hamachpeilah is located, is a "double" of Yerushalayim. How so? R' Wolfson explains: Our Sages teach that prayers pass through the Me'arat Hamachpeilah on their way to Heaven, just as they do through Yerushalayim. And, just as the Patriarchs sanctified Yerushalayim through their acts, e.g., the Akeidah, so they sanctify Chevron by their presence there. But Yerushalayim and Chevron also are different. Yerushalayim is the place where G-d's Presence was revealed openly, while in Chevron, holiness is well-hidden in the Me'arat Hamachpeilah, a cave within a cave. In essence, Chevron represents the buried, but never-ending, connection between G-d and the Jewish people. This is even alluded to in the name Chevron (chet-bet-raish-nun), consisting of the very same letters as the word churban (chet-raish-bet-nun). When Yerushalayim is in a state of churban / destruction, Chevron provides the chibur (chet-bet-raish) / connection between G-d and the Jewish people. It is no coincidence that the story of Chevron is so closely tied to the subject of marriage. Not only is marriage the subject of much of our parashah, but the Me'arat Hamachpeilah also is the place where four married couples rest together until the time of Techiyat Ha'maitim. Our Sages teach that marriage is the reunification of two parts of one soul that had been separated at birth. This deep connection between husband and wife is never-ending, even in death. And, it is the nature of our relationship with Hashem as well - never- ending. (Wellsprings of Faith) ******** "I am an alien and a resident among you; grant me an estate for a burial site with you, that I may bury my dead from before me." "The children of Chet answered Avraham, saying to him, `Hear us, my lord - You are a prince of G-d in our midst'." (23:4- 6) R' Meir of Premishlan z"l (Galicia; early 19th century) exclaims: Could it be that the evil Canaanites would honor Avraham thus! Rather, their intention was as follows: It was well known that Hashem had decreed 400 years of wandering upon Avraham's family. Avraham wanted his own lifetime to count toward those 400 years; therefore he said, "I am an alien among you." But the Canaanites did not want to give Avraham that satisfaction. "No!" they said. "You are a prince among us." (Divrei Meir) ******** "Avraham said to his servant, the elder of his household who controlled all that was his - `Place now your hand under my thigh. And I will have you swear by Hashem, G-d of heaven and G-d of earth, that you not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell'." (24:2-3) Why does the Torah choose this verse, of all places, to describe Avraham's servant Eliezer as one "who controlled all that was [Avraham's]"? R' Avraham Halevi Petal z"l quotes his son-in-law R' Ovadiah Yosef shlita (former Sephardic Chief Rabbi of Israel and one of the leading halachic authorities of our time) who explains as follows: Why did Avraham convey his wishes regarding a wife for Yitzchak to Eliezer and not to Yitzchak himself (just as Yitzchak would later convey his own wishes to Yaakov)? Surely he could trust Yitzchak to honor his wishes! In fact, the halachah states that a son does not have to acquiesce to a father's wishes regarding the choice of a wife. Even if one's father disapproves of his choice, he (the son) is free to marry the woman of his choosing. Avraham was worried that Eliezer, who had an eligible daughter of his own, might persuade Yitzchak not to honor his father's choice. How could Yitzchak be convinced to disobey his father? Because, says the Torah, Eliezer controlled all that was Avraham's, i.e., all of Avraham's spiritual acquisitions. Having been a dedicated student of Avraham's for many decades, Eliezer's grasp of the Torah's laws was equal to his master's. In contrast, Yitzchak was a relatively young man who had not even reached the age of 40, which is referred to by our Sages as the age of binah / understanding. Thus, since Avraham feared that Eliezer might steer Yitzchak in the wrong direction, Avraham made his wishes known to Eliezer and made him swear to obey them. And Avraham did this because Eliezer "controlled all that was his." (Va'yomer Avraham p 54) ******** "Let it be that the maiden to whom I shall say, `Please tip over your jug so I may drink,' and who replies, `Drink, and I will even water your camels,' her will You have designated for Your servant, for Yitzchak; and may I know through her that You have done kindness with my master." (24:14) Rashi explains: "She is fit for him since she will be charitable and will therefore be worthy of admission into the house of Avraham." R' Shlomo Wolbe shlita (preeminent educator and mussar figure in Israel) writes: What we learn from Eliezer's request and from Rashi's explanation is that the measure of chessed is the quantity in which it is done. Precisely because Rivka not only fulfilled Eliezer's request but went beyond it, she proved that she was worthy of entering Avraham's household. Many people say, "I am willing to do chessed, but only up to a point." The ideal practice of chessed, however, knows no limits. [Ed. note: Presumably, R' Wolbe is not referring to limits that are imposed upon a person by his circumstances, for example, his need to earn a living and spend time with his family. Rather, R' Wolbe apparently is referring to limits a person imposes on his chessed because he thinks he has already fulfilled his obligation.] The story is told of a rabbi [some say it was R' Yitzchak Elchanan Spektor z"l of 19th century Kovno, Lithuania] who was asked by a congregant: "May I use milk for the Four Cups at the Seder since I have no money for wine?" "No!" answered the rabbi, and he gave the questioner a large sum of money to buy provisions for the holiday. "Why did you give him such a large donation?" other congregants asked the rabbi. "Wine does not cost that much!" "Because," replied the rabbi, "if the questioner intended to use milk for the Four Cups, it is apparent that he is lacking not only wine, but also meat." That, says R' Wolbe, is chessed - recognizing how great others' needs are and following through. In truth, if we only recognized others' needs, we could perform unlimited chessed. How so? Because chessed is performed not only with one's money and other tangible things. Smiling, saying a kind word, and giving encouragement are all forms of chessed. There is no limit to the "small" acts of kindness that we could perform if we would only recognize that others need our kindness. (Alei Shur Vol. I, p. 93)